Monday, June 4, 2007
212.4
4 ounces is better than nothing. i had hoped for more....a return to the 211 in two days, but alas it will take a lot longer than that and I am out of time. I think the new stuff won't be here until next week, so I better get comfortable with the failed results. Still, its ok. I think I will start at a better number next week, so when i do six weeks, i can lose 30 pounds (maybe) and make some kind of goal. I don't know. My shit is all thrown off. I can't forgive myself or DD
Sunday, June 3, 2007
212.8
Drop. Why?
Ate four apples and one grapefruit yesterday. Its the six apples elixir recommended by KT. I figured for what I did, i couldn't just go back to the regular diet. i had to empty out so that the HCG could effectively "eat away" at whatever fat tit saw fit to destroy. I understand its mechanism now. The logic is good.
Today? Work, as usual. I don't liek watching Stella because she is needy and I don't like needy.
Nothing to say.
Headache.
Fear over the next week.
Two shots left. One for tomorrow and one for Tuesday.
Wednsday, Thursday, and maybe Friday, I'm on my own.
I am not happy at all.
Ate four apples and one grapefruit yesterday. Its the six apples elixir recommended by KT. I figured for what I did, i couldn't just go back to the regular diet. i had to empty out so that the HCG could effectively "eat away" at whatever fat tit saw fit to destroy. I understand its mechanism now. The logic is good.
Today? Work, as usual. I don't liek watching Stella because she is needy and I don't like needy.
Nothing to say.
Headache.
Fear over the next week.
Two shots left. One for tomorrow and one for Tuesday.
Wednsday, Thursday, and maybe Friday, I'm on my own.
I am not happy at all.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
216.4
Gained five punds in one night. Why?
Rage!
That fucken package is not even in the US yet, so I have no idea when or if i will ever see it; Everything was futile if I have to be off the shit for over a week; all that money and effort gone because drugdelivery is a bunch of fucked up freaks who can not tell you that they are out of stock in somethign and may not be able to ship it for a week, meaning you may not see the thing you ordered for a fucken month! So angry because i could have spent a lot less on all this shit.
Everyone says hcg mail is overpriced, but what i spent in shipping on two different places cost me more than what I would have spent on hcgmail. i would have gotten material so that i did not have to reorder shit; and maybe it would have made more sense...i don't know if i had committed to them, at least i wouldn't be going through this.
whatever; i am back on, and a little glad because i think i needed the fat for my hcg shot to work on this week. that way there isn't more of me going, just the little extra fat to give me some time...a little space. i don't know i probably lost two weeks instead of one, but i gained a month of mental sanity. so I'm good. plus i'm not hungry like i've been. its been retty bad. I totally underdosed myself, so i needed the fat...for sure. especially since i have to do a couple of days with it becuase of the postal service. i'm still angry but i am through with the sabbotage.
plus lali set me off; you can not rely on people who have been disappointed with life to be supportaiove of you in your life; especially when they think when they are looking at you you are just a reflection.
whew1 i'm kind of ok now.
Rage!
That fucken package is not even in the US yet, so I have no idea when or if i will ever see it; Everything was futile if I have to be off the shit for over a week; all that money and effort gone because drugdelivery is a bunch of fucked up freaks who can not tell you that they are out of stock in somethign and may not be able to ship it for a week, meaning you may not see the thing you ordered for a fucken month! So angry because i could have spent a lot less on all this shit.
Everyone says hcg mail is overpriced, but what i spent in shipping on two different places cost me more than what I would have spent on hcgmail. i would have gotten material so that i did not have to reorder shit; and maybe it would have made more sense...i don't know if i had committed to them, at least i wouldn't be going through this.
whatever; i am back on, and a little glad because i think i needed the fat for my hcg shot to work on this week. that way there isn't more of me going, just the little extra fat to give me some time...a little space. i don't know i probably lost two weeks instead of one, but i gained a month of mental sanity. so I'm good. plus i'm not hungry like i've been. its been retty bad. I totally underdosed myself, so i needed the fat...for sure. especially since i have to do a couple of days with it becuase of the postal service. i'm still angry but i am through with the sabbotage.
plus lali set me off; you can not rely on people who have been disappointed with life to be supportaiove of you in your life; especially when they think when they are looking at you you are just a reflection.
whew1 i'm kind of ok now.
Friday, June 1, 2007
211.4
Crisis...
I'm starving because I underdosed...
DD has not gotten my new shipment into the US yet.
I have to take the shots at the measly 160 I layed out because I was unsure.
I am likely to cheat, but hat would undermine all the work I've done these past ten days.
I am hating all of this... alot! I need 200ccs every morning. Now!
I'm starving because I underdosed...
DD has not gotten my new shipment into the US yet.
I have to take the shots at the measly 160 I layed out because I was unsure.
I am likely to cheat, but hat would undermine all the work I've done these past ten days.
I am hating all of this... alot! I need 200ccs every morning. Now!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
212.4
In a few days on this protocol, I will be under 210 pounds. That's pretty good for under a week and a half, but I am afraid that the new supply won't get here before i run out of this batch. I better be careful. I've been getting hungry too; I'm using a smaller dosage. I devoured a salad last night.
Anyway, its not as bad as all that. I think I can get away with taking the shot on Monday and Wednsday in school before classes. That way I'm not taking the shots too early in the morning. It is usually around 9:00 to 10:00 and moving it up to 7am might be pushing it.
Anyway...
40 37 48
Anyway, its not as bad as all that. I think I can get away with taking the shot on Monday and Wednsday in school before classes. That way I'm not taking the shots too early in the morning. It is usually around 9:00 to 10:00 and moving it up to 7am might be pushing it.
Anyway...
40 37 48
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
215.0
Plateau already?
Water hydration is up though?
Water retention too?
clothes still don't fit. Tight this morning.
I hate dressing when my clothes are tight. i have to lose another ten for the pressure to back off.
Took off my favorite black pants becuase buttoning was too tight.
scared things are going sour.
mixed and took shot today.
Feel like shots are not mixed well enough. Dose is too low.
Afraid I'll be the exception with the immediate response to immune to the drug
its not the world; its me i hate.
Water hydration is up though?
Water retention too?
clothes still don't fit. Tight this morning.
I hate dressing when my clothes are tight. i have to lose another ten for the pressure to back off.
Took off my favorite black pants becuase buttoning was too tight.
scared things are going sour.
mixed and took shot today.
Feel like shots are not mixed well enough. Dose is too low.
Afraid I'll be the exception with the immediate response to immune to the drug
its not the world; its me i hate.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
215.0
Pastrami sandwich with extra mayo and cheese
A cheeseburger with extra cheese, cooked medium rare with lettuce and tomato
French fries with salt and a ittle ketchup from the diner on 347.
or,
more grilled beef
more grilled chicken
onions
homemade mustard
Pleasure is becoming a thing of the past; I keep thinking that when this diet is over, the things i love above will become unappetizing to me.
TV is the devil; every single moment has an advertising for buying or eating more food; i can get off that, too.
I was hungry last night; never starving; just hungry.
Today I will ahve to see if i can stand the "day off" bit.
It will take at least three weeks on the program before i can go off for a bit an eat a summer meal. This is just week one. Two more weeks. Figure that will put me at 200 pounds, if i still lose at least a pound a day; otherwise, we are looking at prolonged exposure to failure.
After that, there is the next three week, wich should get me to that 190 mark i want before this phase is over; I'm still thinking by the time Aga comes back i will be able to eat for six weeks, then go back on the program. I can also do a 3 weel stunc and then three weeks off, then another three weeks. But it won't "cure" my disease. Hmmmm.
A cheeseburger with extra cheese, cooked medium rare with lettuce and tomato
French fries with salt and a ittle ketchup from the diner on 347.
or,
more grilled beef
more grilled chicken
onions
homemade mustard
Pleasure is becoming a thing of the past; I keep thinking that when this diet is over, the things i love above will become unappetizing to me.
TV is the devil; every single moment has an advertising for buying or eating more food; i can get off that, too.
I was hungry last night; never starving; just hungry.
Today I will ahve to see if i can stand the "day off" bit.
It will take at least three weeks on the program before i can go off for a bit an eat a summer meal. This is just week one. Two more weeks. Figure that will put me at 200 pounds, if i still lose at least a pound a day; otherwise, we are looking at prolonged exposure to failure.
After that, there is the next three week, wich should get me to that 190 mark i want before this phase is over; I'm still thinking by the time Aga comes back i will be able to eat for six weeks, then go back on the program. I can also do a 3 weel stunc and then three weeks off, then another three weeks. But it won't "cure" my disease. Hmmmm.
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